Xenosaga Episode XXXIV
by Mint Truffles
Summary: This is Xenosaga...Crack style. Jr. is cheating on MOMO with Juli and Jin is trying to make money by using Shion. Captain Matthews and Tony are getting high and Hammer is planning their demise. Rated M for Language and Adult Situations.
1. Chapter 1

KOS-MOS: Mint.

Mint: Eh?

KOS-MOS: I need to be cleaned.

Mint: Uh… -sprays KOS-MOS with 409-

KOS-MOS: This is why Mint does not own Xenosaga or any of the characters. We belong to Namco.

Summary: This is Xenosaga…Crack style. I suck at summaries. Oh yeah…And there MAY be spoilers for Episode III so…Watch out.

**Xenosaga: Episode XXXIV**

**Chapter I**

It was a beautiful day on Second Miltia. The birds were singing (they have birds?) and the bees were buzzing (they have bees?). Shion had finally woken up from her peaceful slumber and heard a loud talking noises coming from the front of the house. Shion then runs to the front of the house in her pajamas.

Shion: JIN!

Jin: Yes, Shion?

Shion: What type of fucking job have you taken up this time!?

Jin: Uh…

Shion: -sees flashing lights- …

Photographer #1: Oo! Sexy! -continues to take pictures-

Photographer #2: -walks up to Shion- Yes. Now we need to see you in the nude so if you would please sign this… -takes out contract-

Jin: Do not worry Shion I will protect you! -whacks both photographers with a baseball bat-

Shion: -whacks Jin over the head with a frying pan- YOU PLANNED THIS!

Jin: Uh…No I didn't?

Shion: … -whacks Jin again- Now…What to do about these photographers…? -gets her Miyuki Special-

Jin: -on the floor- PLEASE SHION! I NEED THE MONEY!

Shion: -lunar blades every single one of the photographers and steals their money- No money for you.

Jin: -passes out-

Meanwhile…

On the Durandal…

In the Park…

Jr.: Juli…

Juli: Jr…

Jr.: Juli… -gropes Juli-

Juli: -gasp- Jr…

MOMO: JR.!!!!!

Jr.: Juli…MOMO!? OH SHIT! -runs to towards the monorail-

MOMO: -chasing after Jr. while shooting arrows at him- JR. GET YOUR LITTLE MIDGET ASS BACK HERE!

Jr.: -dodges the arrows and boards the monorail before MOMO catches up to him-

MOMO: SHIT!

chaos: -chuckles- Interesting…

MOMO: You stupid bitch. Does this look funny to you!? -shoots arrow at chaos- NOW THAT'S FUNNY BITCH!

chaos: -on the ground- Hm. Looks like a time to call…Sora Akiyoshi.

MOMO: -walks back to park- Juli…

Juli: MOMO…?

MOMO: … -gets torture kit- Time to pay mother…

Juli: -cowers in fear-

Onboard the Elsa…

On the Bridge…

The crew members were…High. Two of them at least.

Captain Matthews: Like dude…Did you like…See that? -sniffs on weed-

Tony: Like…Yeeeeaaaahhhh. -chuckles-

Captain Matthews: Like…Was it a fairy?

Tony: I think so dude…

Captain Matthews and Tony: Ssswwwweeeeeeeeeetttttttt.

The Bridge suddenly gets filled with pretty flowers, extinct animals and imaginary creatures.

Tony: Oh my gosh dude! Did you see that deer!?

Captain Matthews: Oh my gosh! Its BAMBI!

Tony: Are you like…Serious?

Captain Matthews: And look at those muffin men!

Tony: Dude. I am like…So totally hungry!

Captain Matthews: Let's eat 'em!

Captain Matthews and Tony: -start skipping through the meadow after the muffin men-

Unknowingly to the two Elsa crew members, there was one who plotted their demise…And his name was…

….

….

….

HAMMER!

Dun! Dun! Dun! Dun!

In the basement of the Elsa…

(KOS-MOS' dream world)

KOS-MOS: … -sees a rabbit hop by her-

The rabbit stops and stares at KOS-MOS.

KOS-MOS: -stares at rabbit- …

Rabbit: -stares at KOS-MOS-

KOS-MOS: -continues to stare at rabbit I hope you do know that I have a 99.99999998- chance of winning this contest.

Rabbit: -continues to stare at KOS-MOS-

KOS-MOS: -continues to stare at rabbit-

Rabbit: -continues to stare at KOS-MOS-

KOS-MOS: -continues to stare at rabbit-

Rabbit: -continues to stare at KOS-MOS-

KOS-MOS: -continues to stare at rabbit-

Rabbit: -continues to stare at KOS-MOS-

KOS-MOS: -continues to stare at rabbit-

Rabbit: -continues to stare at KOS-MOS- …………..

KOS-MOS: -continues to stare at rabbit- ……………

Rabbit: -hops over to KOS-MOS while staring at her-

KOS-MOS: -still staring at rabbit- …

Rabbit: -humps KOS-MOS' leg-

KOS-MOS: …..!!! -blinks-

Rabbit: HAHA! 0.11111112 short bitch! -hops off-

KOS-MOS: -wakes up- …….

KOS-MOS: I must ask Shion or the Professor for repairs…

Somewhere…Else…

Ziggy: -looks in the mirror- You know…I've never noticed how good looking I am. -flexes muscles-

Voyager: You should become a Testament.

Ziggy: How many times must I tell you this Erich-chan? I do not want to become a testament.

Voyager: Aw. But Ziggy-chan…Being a Testament is like…Coolio.

Ziggy: Sorry Erich-chan. No is a no.

On E.S. Simeon…

Albedo: Kirchwasswer, your hair is so pretty….

Kirchwasser: -twirls hair around fingers-

Albedo: Oh Kirchwasser… Stay with me forever…

Kirchwasser: -nods head-

Albedo: WHAT!? You can't even tell me what you love me!?

Kirchwasser: -shakes head-

Albedo: You don't love me!? -cries-

Kirchwasser: -shakes head-

Albedo: Fine! I'll go to that realian chick that my brother is in love with! -throws Kirchwasser out of E.S.-

Poor Albedo… He still doesn't realize that Kirchwassers cannot talk.

Albedo: Ma pechè, here I come!

…Back on Second Miltia…

Shion: Jin, I'm going out for a while.

Jin: Okay Shion. Be back by seven.

Shion: Okie. -steps on Jin as she walks through the door who is still on the floor-

Jin: …She has become so strong. sniff You don't know how proud onii-san is! -cries tears of joy-

Back on the Durandal…

chaos: -still on the floor while talking on his..U.M.N device thingy? (Sorreh! I forgot the name! I'll revise this soon!)- Yes…Yes…I'll like a segment involving people cheating with their spouse's parent. Okay. We'll be on the show on tomorrow.

Little did they know the trouble that was about to arise because of chaos…

Stay tuned for Xenosaga Episode XXXIV: Chapter 2!

Author's Note: No. This piece of fiction will NOT have yaoi in it. I know that the part between Ziggy and Voyager was weird and yaoish but this is not a yaoi story. Please don't get your hopes up. Also, please review so I can get ideas. If you give me ideas, I will base chapters off of those ideas. I will also give credit to whoever's ideas I use. Oh yeah…And this is my first story so…Flames will be ignored. OK? Bye Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

Mint: Shion… ;

Shion: Yes?

Mint: Are you ready for the "Sora Akiyoshi Show?"

Shion: What the hell is that!?

Mint: You'll see. D

**Xenosaga Episode XXXIV**

**Chapter II**

It was 11:00 AM on the planet Second Miltia and everyone was getting ready to watch their favorite show. Today's segment would be about people cheating on their spouses with their spouse's parents. Since this was a fairly new topic, millions of people on Second Miltia were planning to tune in. Luckily, their children would be at school worrying about math problems instead of what their mommy and daddy was watching on television.

Sora Akiyoshi: Welcome everyone to the Sora Akiyoshi Show! Today, our show will feature people cheating on their spouses with their spouses parents.

-the audience ooo's and aaa's-

Sora Akiyoshi: Yes, yes I know, so we will now introduce our first guest. He goes by the name Gaignun Kukai Jr. and is Gaignun Kukai's adoptive son. He's also director of the Kukai Foundation and his two assistants, Mary and Shelley have their own fanclubs. Please welcome, Little Master!

Jr.: -teleported to the set of the Sora Akiyoshi Show- Huh? WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?

Sora Akiyoshi: Why you're on the Sora Akiyoshi Show of course! The most popular show on Second Miltia!

Jr.: I've never heard of this show. Now transport me back to the Durandal!

Sora Akiyoshi: Not so fast mister. You wouldn't want to disappoint the audience and our lovely viewers at home would you!?

Jr.: I don't give shit about these people! My ass is in danger! She's going to kill me!

Sora Akiyoshi: Well why don't you tell us about this problem and we'll see if we can help you…

Jr.: …Fine…But only if you'll help me.

Sora Akiyoshi: Sure. -smiles and crosses fingers behind back-

Jr.: Well…I have a girlfriend named MOMO and…And…

Sora Akiyoshi: And…?

Jr.: And…And…

Sora Akiyoshi: Spit it out you short fuck!

Jr.: I cheated on her with her mom! -tries to catch breath-

-the audience OOO's-

Sora Akiyoshi: Well, you sure are in a predicament aren't you?

Jr.: You stupid ass, isn't it obvious!?

Sora Akiyoshi: Hey hey mister…No insulting the host of the show…

Jr.: I'll do whatever I want damnit!

Sora Akiyoshi: Alright! That's it!

-MOMO is then teleported in a chair beside Jr.-

MOMO: What the hell? WHERE THE HELL AM I!?

Jr.: -dives into audience before MOMO sees him-

Sora Akiyoshi: Why, you're on the "Sora Akiyoshi Show" of course!

MOMO: I've never heard of such a show! Take me back to the Durandal!

Sora Akiyoshi: Not so fast missy, let us hear your story about your relationship with Gaignun Jr.

MOMO: Eh? Jr.? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP!?

Sora Akiyoshi: Uh…I have connections?

MOMO: You're not hearing shit from me.

Sora Akiyoshi: Well, what if I were to help you find Gaignun Jr.?

Jr.: -rises out of audience- WHAT!? YOU DAMN TRAITOR!

MOMO: JR.!? –gets bow and arrow-

Jr.: FUCK! –runs amongst the audience-

MOMO: -jumps into the audience and chases after him-

Sora Akiyoshi: And now folks, its time for a commercial break.

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**Somewhere on Second Miltia**

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Shion: Hm…I left home without any real purpose…Oh well…-walks around and stops to look at a big television screen-

Guy on Television: Welcome back to the "Sora Akiyoshi Show!" Today our guests are cheating on their spouses with their spouse's parent!

Shion: Wow…I'd really hate to be them…

Guy on Television: Today's guests are Jr. and MOMO! It seems that Jr. has been cheating on MOMO with…MOMO's mother!

Shion: Oh shit! –watches as MOMO chases Jr. around the studio-

Guy on Television: When we come back, we will introduce MOMO's mother! Stay tuned!

Shion: Holy crap! I have to get to that show! –deploys E.S. Dinah-

Civilian #1: COOL! It's a mechanical butterfly!

Shion: Its not a butterfly you shithead! –lunar blades the civilian-

Civilian #2: Oo mommy! Gets get a big net and capture it!

Shion: … -lunar blades the little kid-

Dog: -pees on Dinah-

Shion: ….!!! –MS2s the poor doggy-

Dog: -dies-

Shion: No one pees on my shit! BITCH! –boards Dinah and takes off-

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Somewhere in…Space**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Albedo: I miss her already….-sniff- WHY COULDN'T YOU RETURN MY LOVE!? Hey! Isn't that Ruby's ship!? Ooo…Yes it is! Maybe Ma pechè is onboard! –flies towards the Elsa-

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Onboard the Elsa**

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Hammer: Stupid Captain…Stupid Tony… -walks around the basement-

KOS-MOS: Hammer. Is there something the matter?

Hammer: FUCK YOU! –cries and runs off-

KOS-MOS: …

Albedo: -crashes into the Elsa- Ma pechè I'm home! –looks around for MOMO-

Professor: What is that racket!?

Albedo: Hey sagging balls! Where's Ma pechè!?

Professor: Listen you little whipper snapper, I may have sagging balls but I can still mean a mean robot!

Albedo: Oh please. Nothing comes close as Ma pechè. Now where is she!?

Professor: Who the hell is Ma Puchuu you albino fart!?

Albedo: Its Ma pechè you wrinkly hunched back fuck!

Professor: WELL EXCUSE ME FOR NOT KNOWING MODERN TALK.

Albedo: Its not modern talk its French!

Professor: Whatever, she currently is not here…

Albedo: Aw…So I came here for nothing… -suddenly spots KOS-MOS- Hey…

KOS-MOS?

Albedo: -walks over to KOS-MOS- How you doin'?

KOS-MOS: I am what you humans would call "fine." Thank you for concern.

Albedo: Oh man! That robotic talk is such a turn on! How about you and me meet up somewhere on Thursday?

KOS-MOS: I only take orders from Shion Uzuki. I apologize for not being able to fulfill your request. –walks off-

Albedo: Aw…KOSY-chan…Don't leaveths me! –runs after her-

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**On the Durandal…**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

chaos: -on the bridge- …Why do I have a feeling that someone is trying to get with my woman…? Hey…KOS-MOS is alone…On the Elsa…WITH MEN! NOOO!!!!!! –deploys E.S. Asher and races to find the Elsa-

100-Series Observational Unit: …Foolish humans…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**In An Unknown Place…**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ziggy: Hmm…I wonder whats on television…-turns the television on and watches as MOMO is still chasing Jr. around- HOLY TOLETO!

Voyager: What is it Jan-chan?

Ziggy: It seems that Jr. is cheating on MOMO with Juli and now she's chasing him around on a television show!

Voyager: Oh that's BAD!

Ziggy: And you know what else!?

Voyager: What!?

Ziggy: I just remembered that you're the enemy! –attacks Voyager-

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

**End of Chapter II**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I am truly very sorry. I have finally updated this fic. Please enjoy this chapter. And PLEASE review.


	3. Chapter 3

Mint: Eh…I'm…Updating…YAY! 

**Xenosaga Episode XXXIV**

**Chapter III**

--------------------------------------------------------------

**In An Unknown Place**

-------------------------------------------------------------

Voyager: NOOOO! Jan-chan! Do not attack me! I be your fwiend! dodges Ziggy's attacks

Ziggy: Gosh! No wonder during battles I usually attack last! I'm so DARN SLOW! continues to attack Voyager

Voyager: See!? Become a testament and be POWERFUL AND QUICK LIKE SPEEDY

GONZALEZ!

Ziggy: Hm…That is pretty convincing…Eh…

Voyager: Pwease? pouty face

Ziggy: Uh…taps chin

Voyager: JUST FUCKING DO IT!

Ziggy!?

Voyager: Um…I mean…Pwease?

Ziggy: Okay!

Voyager: YESH! holds hands with Ziggy and skips off into the sunset

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Onboard the Elsa**

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Albedo: Hm…I wonder what I will call you…How about…Fleur?

KOS-MOS: My name is KOS-MOS.

Albedo: Yes I know that but Fleur sounds so much prettier…

KOS-MOS: My name is KOS-MOS.

Albedo: Ah. Persistent are we? That's great. I love them feisty. purrs

KOS-MOS: …

Albedo: Speak to me…

KOS-MOS: My full name is Kosmos Obey Strategical Multiple Operation Systems. My development name is KP-X and my serial number is 00-00-00-00-1.

Albedo: Ah…This robot lingo…I'm on Cloud Nine…

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Sora Akiyoshi Show**

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Sora Akiyoshi: Welcome back viewers at home! If you are just tuning in well this show is about people who cheat on their spouses with their spouses parents. Our current guests are Gaignun Kukai Jr. and MOMO. During the break we had to restrain MOMO by tying her to a chair.

MOMO: …glares evilly at Sora

Sora Akiyoshi: Can't you just feel that killer intent people!?

audience cheers

Sora Akiyoshi: Now MOMO how long have you been with Gaignun Jr.?

MOMO: …About four years…

Sora Akiyoshi: Ah, and would you have ever expected that your mother would ever sleep with your Jr.?

MOMO: OF COURSE NOT! I THOUGHT THE BITCH WAS INVOLVED WITH ZIGGY!

Sora Akiyoshi: AH!! So there is another person in this love square!

audience ooo's

Jr.: OH MY GOSH! HOW MUCH MORE EMBARRASSMENT MUST I SUFFER THROUGH!?

MOMO: JR!!!!!!!!! breaks free from restraints

Jr.: FUCK! dives back into audience

MOMO: chases after him

Sora Akiyoshi: Well, time for another commercial break. When we return, we'll have Juli on the show! Stay tuned!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**E.S. Dinah**

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Shion: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, its better than yours. Damn right, its better than yours. I could teach you, but I'd have to charge. Eh…Where the hell could that station be? I've been flying all around Second Miltia for the last twenty minutes! Ah. I'll just ask Miyuki. opens U.M.N link to Miyuki

Miyuki: Oh…Shion. Its you…

Shion: Wow. You don't sound too enthusiastic to see me…Is something wrong?

Miyuki: No…

Shion: Oh, then anyway. Could you tell me where the Sora Akiyoshi is being broadcasted from?

Miyuki: FIND IT YOUR DAMN SELF! closes link

Shion: How rude! When I see her I most definitely am going to scold her…Now…Back to finding that Sora Akiyoshi Show place…

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**Vector Second R&D Division**

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Allen: Oh Miyuki…That was great…

Miyuki: Yeah…Minus that call from Shion…

Allen: Eh…I have no clue why I'm even attracted to her…

Miyuki: Well I just know I'm sick of her ass bossing me around.

Allen: Me too…

Miyuki: Lets team up against her…

Allen: Sounds great!

Miyuki: YES! Now what will our team be called?

Allen: How about Team Galactic?

Miyuki: Eh…Too spacey…

Allen: Team Fighters?

Miyuki: Sounds weird…

Allen: All I can come up with is Team Groovy…

Miyuki: That's GREAT!

Allen: Yes! Team Groovy is now in business!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Elsa**

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Tony: WOOOOAAAAHHHH…Like, Matthews my man…Whats shakin'?

Matthews: Nuttin' much…Just been sniffin' this stuff…Like dude…What the hell is this stuff anyway?

Tony: Like…I dunno bro…Its like…An extinct plant or somethin'…

Matthews: Look…The package it came in spells out…W-E-E-D…

long pause …….

Tony and Matthews: start laughing hysterically

Hammer: Perfect…Everything is going according to plan…They've inhaled that weed and now its time to…

Matthews: HEY HAMMER! COME TRY THIS STUFF!

Hammer: SHUT THE FUCK UP! runs away

Tony: Dude like…Whats up with him…?

Matthews: I dunno yo…Dude needs to chill…

Tony: Yo…Lets have him…Inhale some of this W-E-E-D…

long pause ……..

Tony and Matthews: start laughing hysterically again

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Second Miltia**

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Jin: Ah…Now that I've finished torturing Jun with my bookshelves, I guess I'll just watch some television…turns on television

Advertisment: WE ARE NOW LOOKING FOR FEMALE MODELS. MODELS MUST BE BETWEEN THE AGES OF EIGHTEEN AND TWENTY-SIX. IF YOU ARE A FEMALE AND IS BETWEEN THE AGES OF EIGHTEEN AND TWENTY-SIX, THIS COULD BE THE JOB FOR YOU. CALL THE TOLL FREE NUMBER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN RIGHT NOW! AN OPPURTUNITY LIKE THIS ONLY COMES ONCE IN A BLUE MOON.

Jin: OH MAI GAWD. THAT JOB WOULD BE PERFECT FOR SHION! calls toll free number

Hello? Yes, I have just seen your advertisement on the television and I think it'd be the perfect job for me! Uh, what? Why do I sound so masculine? Well, I'm suffering from a very rare strain of the flu that can only be attained by traveling to uh…Um...Freezos. You've never heard of Freezos!? Well I am very shocked to hear such a thing! Its located a little farther than where Ariadne had been. Oh why, thank you for your concern about my health. My name? Shion Uzuki. I am twenty-two years old. I am five feet and three inches. My weight? Why…I'm quite embarrassed to release such information to a complete stranger but I can assure you that I am physically fit. My phone number? Its --. Oh. Thank you very much. I look forward to hearing from you in the future.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Back on the Elsa**

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Hammer: Now, first, it makes sense to get rid of Captain Matthews first. I wonder how I should go about going this…Enter a gnosis fight and let him get crystallized, maybe? Nah…I'd probably end up dying as well…Or maybe I should just throw him out of the ship…But how would I do that without Tony or the Professor noticing…?

Scott: HIIIIIIIIIIIII HAMMER!!!

Hammer: What the fu—

Scott: HAMMER! HOW ARE YOU TODAY!? twirls around TODAY IS SUCH A JOYOUS DAY! NO ANGST ON THIS SHIP, NOSIREE!

Hammer: I'LL BE FUCKING ANGSTY IF I WANT TO! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BOTHERING ME!?

Scott: But Hammer…Angst is not fun. wide grin Happiness is fun. strips off clothing to reveal at pink tutu I SHALL NOW PERFORM THE CEREMONIAL HAPPY DANCE! dances

Hammer: OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!! runs away

Scott: But Hammer! I haven't finished! Wait up!! runs after Hammer while throwing rose petals

--------------------------------------------------------------

**Dammerüng**

-------------------------------------------------------------

Wilhelm: I now present to you…RAINBOW TESTAMENT!

Rainbow Testament: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Voyager: sniff I am so proud…pats eyes with tissue

Rainbow Testament: Come Voyager. It is time to make our presence known in this world! creates a rainbow The rainbow shall lead us to our first destination!

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**End of Chapter III**

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Mint: Review, plox?


	4. Chapter 4

Mint: Haha, I'm finally back

Ashlotte: Haha, I'm finally back…I hope. Finally bringing more attention to the Sora Akiyoshi Show. Yep. Let's begin.

_Italics _indicate thoughts

**Xenosaga Episode XXXIV**

**Chapter IV**

--

**Onboard The Elsa**

**--**

Hammer: Will you stop fucking following me!? –turns around and faces Scott-

Scott: B-but… -points fingers together- You're so angsty…I cannot just leave you as you wallow in despair! I must turn that frown upside down! I must bring sunshine into your life! I mu—

Hammer: Can't you see that I'm busy!? Why don't you go screw with Erde Kaiser or something!? Make him shove that huge sword up your a—

Scott: Now THAT is enough! I may wear pink tutus…-twirls- But…At least I wear them like a man! Besides….I've always had a thing for KOS-MOS' R-Blade…-drools-

Hammer: …YOU'RE FUCKING SICK! –runs away-

Scott: NO! WAIT HAMMER! WE MUST DO THE CEREMONIAL HAPPY DANCE! –runs after Hammer-

--

**E.S. Asher**

**--**

chaos: KOS-MOS…KOS-MOS…KOS-MOS what could they be doing to you…? –tears flow from his eyes- I can't lose you to some loser Kukai Foundation rejects…Even though I DID live with them for quite a while…Blah. They're still losers. I am chaos, I am Yeshua…I am…SEXY. No one steals Sexy's woman! –races towards the Elsa-

--

**Onboard The Elsa**

**--**

Albedo: Come on KOS-MOS, I know you like me.

KOS-MOS: …

Albedo: Aw baby…Don't be shy…

KOS-MOS: …

Albedo: I can show you a whole new world if you know what I mean… –wink-

KOS-MOS: I'm afraid I cannot comprehend what you are trying to say. Please excuse me. –walks off-

Albedo: DAMNIT! –runs after KOS-MOS-

--

**The Sora Akiyoshi Show**

**--**

Sora Akiyoshi: Welcome back viewers to the Sora Akiyoshi Show! During the break we had to restrain MOMO once again and tie Gaignun Jr. to a chair in the audience. Now its time to continue our interview with MOMO. So, MOMO, it seems your mother is trying to take away both of the males in your life.

MOMO: No shit…

Sora Akiyoshi: -frowns- Well how would you like it if we brought her here right now!?

MOMO: BRING THE BITCH SO I CAN MURDER HER!

Sora Akiyoshi –wide grin- Sure! Everyone please welcome, Juli Mizrahi!

-Juli is teleported on stage and the audience boo's-

Juli: Wh-what!? Where am I!?

Sora Akiyoshi: Welcome to the Sora Akiyoshi Show Ms. Mizrahi!

Juli: I've never heard of such a show! Now please take me back to Second Miltia!

Sora Akiyoshi: What the fuck? Have you bitches been isolated on a fucking remote planet for 3 years? How could you not know about this show!?

Juli: How rude! I refuse to stay here any longer! –attempts to walk off of the stage but is teleported back to where she began-

Sora Akiyoshi: Please stop. You're only making things more difficult for the show to progress.

Juli: This is madness! Take me back!

Sora Akiyoshi: -ignores Juli's pleads- Now if you look to your left Ms. Mizrahi you will see your daughter, MOMO. MOMO is not happy at all.

Juli: Wh-what….? –trembles as she looks to her left and sees MOMO glaring at her evilly-

MOMO: -glares evilly at Juli- …

Sora Akiyoshi: -chuckles- _Let the fun begin…_

--

**Rainbow Pathway**

--

Rainbow Testament: This is the song that never ends! And it goes on and on my friends! People started singing it not knowing what it was! And then they keep on singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends! And it goes on and on my friends! Come on! Sing it with me Voyager!

Voyager: …

Rainbow Testament: Aw…Voyager. Why the angst?

Voyager: It's nothing…

Rainbow Testament: Okay then. This is the song that never ends! And it goes on and on my friends! People started singing it not knowing what it was! And then they keep on singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends! And it goes on and on my friends! –continuously repeats the song-

Voyager: -sigh- _I thought turning him into a testament would better further Wilhelm's goals but he's so annoying…_

Rainbow Testament: -gasp- I'VE FOUND IT! –runs towards the end of the pathway-

Voyager: _What could it be…?_ –runs after Rainbow Testament-

Rainbow Testament: Oh look Voyager! –cries tears of joy- I've found me pot o' gold! –hugs pot of gold-

Voyager: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

Rainbow Testament: And look…-holds up bowl of cereal- I've also found me Lucky Charms! –does an Irish dance-

Voyager: I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!

Rainbow Testament: -eats Lucky Charms- Would you like some of me Lucky Charms Voyager?

Voyager: I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I WOULD LIKE! –runs towards Rainbow Testament-

--

**Onboard the Elsa**

--

Hammer: -stops running to catch breath- Finally…Lost that cross-dressing nutjob…

Tony: Hey my brother from another mother…-starts laughing hysterically and inhales some more weed-

Hammer: What the fuck!? Shouldn't you be fucking around with Matthews!? –points at Tony-

Tony: Naw man…-chuckles- I'd rather hang out with my best bro…- smirks with an evil glint in eyes-

Hammer: What the hell is up with that evil glint in your eyes! What the fuck are you thinking!?

Tony: Aw, there's nothin' to be afraid of my man. –continues to smirk and proceeds to walk towards Hammer-

Hamer: Why the fuck are you coming closer to me!? Stop! –starts backing up but collides with something-

Matthews: Hey…Hammer…What's shakin'? –grabs Hammer from the rear and holds him so he cannot escape-

Hamer: What in hell!? Let go of me you shithead! –struggles to get free-

Tony: No can do bro. You need to lighten up a little…

Matthews: Luckily, we have just the cure for that…-chuckles-

Tony: -pulls out a bag labled W-E-E-D and rattles it in Hammer's face-

Hammer: There's no fucking way I'm going to inhale that shit! –tries even harder to get away from Matthews-

Tony: Dude, you need to chill… Relax. It'll only make things better… -wraps some of the contents of the W-E-E-D bag in some paper then lights it- Now you better fucking inhale it…

Hammer: NO FUCKING WAY! SOMEONE HELP! KOS-MOS! PROFESSOR! SCOTT! HELP!

Scott: DID I HEAR MY NAME BEING CALLED!? –appears from behind Matthews and karate chops his shoulder allowing Hammer to break free-

Matthews: AH! WHAT THE FUCK YOU CROSS-DRESSING NUTCASE! –grabs onto his shoulder-

Scott: When I hear a friend in need…I MUST HELP THEM! –twirls and roses begin to shower him-

Tony: Yo, this bitch is more fucked up than I thought. You know what that means right, Matthews?

Matthew: Hell yeah. I sure do. –flexes muscles- Lets teach these two a lesson…

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**Second Miltia**

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Jin: Ah…Now it's time for some quality television… -plops down on couch and turns on the T.V.-

Sora Akiyoshi: Well Juli, could you explain to our audience and the viewers at home what's going on between you and Gaignun Kukai Jr.?

Juli: I-I-I…-stares fretfully and MOMO and begins to tremble-

Jr.: -appears out of nowhere in the audience - HEY! WILL YOU JUST LET US THE FUCK GO!?

Sora Akiyoshi: Keep quiet you little runt and go back to hiding or I'll release MOMO!

Jr.: Shit! –disappears-

Jin: OH MY GOSH! They look so familiar! Now where have I seen them before? –taps chin- Oo! We defeated the Patriarch together! I see I see! I never knew they were such fucked up people! –continues to watch T.V.-

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**End of Chapter IV**

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Ashlotte: Review plox.


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